Warrior princess emeritus. Gallant grande dame. Has-been superhero. Retired Wonder Woman has been called all of these things but largely doesn’t know it because her hearing isn't what it used to be thanks to a lifetime of dodging bullets and whisking squealing, panic-stricken citizens away to safety. Still, she soldiers on, always vigilant and ready to battle injustice, save innocent lives and take advantage of early-bird senior discounts.
Born into royalty on an island of fierce, independent women as equally renowned for their superhuman powers as their freakishly synchronous menses, Retired Wonder Woman spent her youth dreaming of becoming a TV star. But alas, when it came time to cast the lead role in a series about her life, the job went to mammarily-gifted beauty queen Lynda Carter.
One dozen rehab stints and 5,632 bingo games later, Retired Wonder Woman is back and once again ready to save the world…or at least your event. Complete with Golden Catheter of Truth and Invisible Plane (when she can find it), she comes fully prepared to fight crime, pose for pictures and generally totter about exhibiting early signs of dementia.
Founding member of the Teen Titans and current member of the Justice League of America, AARP and Costco, Retired Wonder Woman’s hobbies include mispronouncing people’s names and watching old episodes of Dallas. She is currently under court-order to stay at least 200 feet away from Patrick Duffy.
WINNER of the 2014 Rose City Comic Con Costume Competition